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Sunday, November 7, 2010

I feed the Trolls. Why Sony Move is gay and Microsoft Kinect isn't.

A short history lesson

We all remember the time before the Wii showed up in our, rather boring world of consoles. The time when couch-potatoes ruled the earth and the couch itself was a temporary storage room for pretzel-crumbs and chips and the occasional couch-pizza. The time where our asses and the couch formed a beautiful symbiosis and our girlfriends (if they existed) were far, far away from our beautiful kingdom of geeky manliness each time the magical glowing powerbutton filled the darkness of the room with it's warm and beautiful healing light.

NES.



When Sony introduced Singstar in May 2004 the balance of the force was seriously off. Female humans invaded our space on Friday nights and the awful voices of the sirens filled the air with "I will survive". No autotune. God help us all, no autotune!
Couches were cleaned, the biospheres we created, destroyed. Never seen newborn species were wiped from the face of the earth before they were discovered.
But we survived and arranged ourselves with the new situation. We created gaming schedules, arranged meetings at a friend's womenless fortress and live went on.
(remember. This was the time before Geek-Chic was chic. No cool nerdy girls, just girly-girls -> Prosecco and giggling) Until the Wii.
Everything was suddenly white and shiny and console games became mainstream. It finished what originally Sony's EyeToy had started in 1999 but failed to achieve. Movement. Separation of butt and couch.
But even if it hat this little hipster attitude, it was really sweet. (Thx almighty Mario!)

Now it's 2010 and two new thingies spawned in the world. You know which one.

So and what do I see all over the internet? Fanboys bashing each other about the different controller-types.
I hate fanboys. Why? Because they are too stupid to reflect what they are saying.

Dear Sony fanboys: 

Sony sucks for being an asshole just like Apple. The PS3 firmware upgrades, killing every possibility to run linux etc... That is really Jobs-ish. But if you don't care about that, ok.

Let's compare Microsoft Kinect you're bitching about and Sony Move...


Yeah, jumping around and looking like having somewhat between Tanzwut and a seizure is a little ridiculous, that's true, but who invented this crap? Sony did. Hello EyeToy.


Yep. Ouch. So you were first jumping around like a moron. Congratulations. Microsoft actually did it a little better tech-wise. And without a controller that might turn into a potentially deadly weapon, it's also way safer than the WiiMote and/or Sony Move.



So, now lets talk about the "awesome" Sony Move system.
 

So you rip off the Wii-Technology just using a giant gay glowball instead of invisible infrared markers and put the camera on the console/TV instead into the controller? Wow. Innovation. Just like FaceTime. A gamechanger.
And you absolutely don't feel stupid jumping around with a expensive high tech glowstick every raver from the 90's on XTC would kill for?
Seriously?
Then I'd suggest that you get yourself one of those:

Don't get me wrong. Playing Kinect looks ridiculous. But Sony Move fans are the last ones that should bitch about MS Kinect.


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